1.20.2009

Try, try again

It's after 1o PM and I'm still up and excited about this blog! I decided to go ahead and post another...post...I'm still learning the lingo... I thought I'd just lay it out there as I want to do with this blog and be completely honest, so here it goes:

Today was terrible. I have totally fallen off the wagon when it comes to losing the extra pounds I've been working so hard to lose. I was so enthusiastic right after the new year and now, just half way through January, I lost it..I mean gained it...whatever. So what happens to me when I feel so bad about myself? I eat more chips. Then I proceed to yell (yes, my thoat is even a little scratchy from it) at my darling, precious girls (adjectives I freely use now that they are asleep). Then comes the guilt. Not only am I failing myself, but my family too. I spent most of today wishing it was over. Only two things kept me going: my husband's affirmations and American Idol.

In the recent past, I have realized how sad it is that I go through these moments of self hatred. God made me. I believe that. I believe he not only made me, but made me as a gift to himself and to this world. I struggle with living that belief out in the day-to-day. Now that I'm a wife and a mother, the feelings I have about myself have more impact than I'd like to admit. It is vital that I love who I am. It is vital for the health of my family. A mother is the heart of the home. My heart longs to be whole. Tomorrow is another day, thankfully. I will get up in the morning and try again.

1 comment:

  1. Joy comes with the morning, right?! I hear your struggle and know what it is to give a Homer Simpson style "D'oh!" when I fail to live up to my own high expectations. What I admire about you is that you continue to re-focus on what is most important to you and those centering beliefs - God made you and you are a gift to Him, your family, and certainly have been to me as your friend. I'm glad to hear your husband has been affirming too - it always helps to know that those around you see different things than you do on "self-hate days." Be easy on yourself, Holly. You are lovable just the way you are.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it!