It's after 1o PM and I'm still up and excited about this blog! I decided to go ahead and post another...post...I'm still learning the lingo... I thought I'd just lay it out there as I want to do with this blog and be completely honest, so here it goes:
Today was terrible. I have totally fallen off the wagon when it comes to losing the extra pounds I've been working so hard to lose. I was so enthusiastic right after the new year and now, just half way through January, I lost it..I mean gained it...whatever. So what happens to me when I feel so bad about myself? I eat more chips. Then I proceed to yell (yes, my thoat is even a little scratchy from it) at my darling, precious girls (adjectives I freely use now that they are asleep). Then comes the guilt. Not only am I failing myself, but my family too. I spent most of today wishing it was over. Only two things kept me going: my husband's affirmations and American Idol.
In the recent past, I have realized how sad it is that I go through these moments of self hatred. God made me. I believe that. I believe he not only made me, but made me as a gift to himself and to this world. I struggle with living that belief out in the day-to-day. Now that I'm a wife and a mother, the feelings I have about myself have more impact than I'd like to admit. It is vital that I love who I am. It is vital for the health of my family. A mother is the heart of the home. My heart longs to be whole. Tomorrow is another day, thankfully. I will get up in the morning and try again.