Although I do not homeschool my girls, I do work pretty hard to have well-behaved children. In our family, I am the "mean" one. I make sure there are rules and that those rules are followed. I have to be like this so that I can stay sane. Each person will only tolerate what he or she can handle. However, I am not so mean that we don't have a great time together. There are lots of hugs, singing, dancing and laughing to go along with enforcing the boundaries.
My husband, on the other hand, is not so strict. When he is home, the girls have much more liberty. I begin to go crazy with the amount of whining, crying, helplessness and junk food I have to endure (all to keep them happy). It really makes no sense to me. Giving in to them seems to create more grief and less peace. That being said, I have relaxed because of my husband's example of caring and loving affection towards the girls. I can sometimes miss tender moments because I'm too wrapped up in making sure correct behavior is being learned.
So what's the correct way to raise a child? I don't know. We are all finding our way I guess. It takes a lot of love, a lot of patience and a lot of surrendering to the moment at hand.
PS- GO ZAGS!