Last night I decided to set my alarm to get up before my children awoke and before my husband returned from work so I could exercise (just a little to get in the habit) and spend some time in prayer. Both of these habits are healthy and recommended very often in things I read. I'm not sure what it is about setting an alarm, now that I don't work, but it causes me anxiety. I kept looking at the clock and worrying that I may not get enough sleep. In the end, I turned my alarm off and then I slept like a baby and way past my normal waking time at that.
I'm just getting so frustrated with myself. I can't seem to pull it together (and it's not just because I'm pregnant...this is a constant battle). Staying at home with the kids always seemed so wonderful and ideal, but the whole part about self motivation is missing in all those pictures of perfection. Sometimes I wish I could just be that person who bleaches the toilet every day and rises at dawn to bake the bread for the rest of the week. I wish I could have the right ingredients in my pantry to make those recipes that I read about in magazines. If only I could keep the stains out of our clothing and the garden free of weeds. Instead I find myself unmotivated and often lack even the desire to move until the last possible minute to get dinner on the table or my children in bed.
I'm not giving up. I will try again tomorrow to wake up in time to pray and exercise. Maybe that will be just what I need to motivate me for the rest of the day.
Update: I set my alarm and could not, for the life of me, get out of bed. As hard as I slept after my alarm made me wonder if it is pregnancy. I did pray. I said a morning offering and then prayed that God would help me get out of bed. I think he must have wanted me to sleep. I'm a better mom when well rested. Both my girls slept in as well. My husband and I chuckled this morning as we commented that we are not morning people in this family. :) Watch, our next baby will be and then I'll get my morning prayer time!