8.04.2009

Marshy Madness

I remember the first time I was pregnant. I thought there was something wrong with our house. I could not wait to move. It was moldy, dark and every time I walked in I wanted to leave. Then with my second pregnancy I thought there was something wrong with our town. We had just moved to this coastal town and it was the fishy smell mixed with exhaust from motor homes that I thought were making me feel ill. Now, on my third pregnancy, I know it's pregnancy. I guess, in a sense, that's reassuring because I know all this yuckiness will end at some point. At this point, however, I feel like I am walking, shoeless, in a marshy swamp with mosquitoes and other bugs trying to attack me. All I want to do is get out, but it's getting dark and I know I have to go through the night like this.

Pretty depressing...I know. And that is why I am taking the time to write. Not to gain sympathy from anyone who reads this, but to share my pain so that someone else may either 1.) feel better about her own state of mind and life or 2.) no longer feel alone in misery!

That's about all this sick, hormone crazy, pregnant woman can write right now. I am now going to slink back into my dark, marsh-like bedroom and feel sorry for myself until I wake up to yet another day of swatting mosquitoes and pulling my legs out of the mud. Not without crying out to God for help and deliverance. It's in these times that I rely very heavily on our Lord's strength. I know I am not alone even when the darkness surrounds me.

Hmmmm....maybe pregnancy and hormone swings are part of the reason that many women seem to be more spiritually dependent on God than many men...just a thought.

3 comments:

  1. Big hug, honey, we both know it will end! But it does seem like forever.
    I think you'll appreciate this:
    My very super great friend Eileen and her husband helped her husband's father lead a bunch of people on a hike up Mt. St. Helens last week or so. Apparently a number of the hikers did not really listen when they were told they had to be in really good shape to do this climb. Like, if you can't go on an hour long run, don't even think about it. They thought he was kidding. They found out wrong! The men complained and complained all the way up. The women did not. They bore it, and they were just as out of shape. In fact, when one of them looked like she really just couldn't carry her pack anymore, another offered to take it. But the only complaint to be heard from them was that maybe the men could get a grip so the women didn't have to listen to it anymore!
    We do endure a lot of physical pain. I guess just put on an old sports t shirt and remember that what does not kill us makes us stronger. Read some good saint stories and give it up for special intentions, and know that it will get better.

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  2. Yardley MommaAugust 05, 2009

    I don't know if it is pregnancy or the terrible two's as I had similar "marshy madness" today as I endured lots of melt downs and when I had one mess cleaned up my busy two year old had made five more. That is when I thought how when I am feeling icky or tired I cannot enjoy the "joy" of my two year old or her sibling because I am mucking through the muck. But muck and all, I would not give up any moment because I know these moments will not last forever and there will be days I will probably be wishing for additional mucky days. Today when I was watching the reunion of the journalist mother with her daughter I just bawled and Connor came out from waking up. I just told him I was crying because of the joy I felt for that Mom to be back with her child and it is true, we go out and do and be individuals but we long for our children and our family. I think if everything went along well all the time, we would not treasure our moments with our loved ones or make sacrifices to bring another blessing into the world. I guess we are the perpetual student, always learning a lesson from God.

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  3. rigor as from rigorous

    Dad

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Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it!