I remember the first time I was pregnant. I thought there was something wrong with our house. I could not wait to move. It was moldy, dark and every time I walked in I wanted to leave. Then with my second pregnancy I thought there was something wrong with our town. We had just moved to this coastal town and it was the fishy smell mixed with exhaust from motor homes that I thought were making me feel ill. Now, on my third pregnancy, I know it's pregnancy. I guess, in a sense, that's reassuring because I know all this yuckiness will end at some point. At this point, however, I feel like I am walking, shoeless, in a marshy swamp with mosquitoes and other bugs trying to attack me. All I want to do is get out, but it's getting dark and I know I have to go through the night like this.
Pretty depressing...I know. And that is why I am taking the time to write. Not to gain sympathy from anyone who reads this, but to share my pain so that someone else may either 1.) feel better about her own state of mind and life or 2.) no longer feel alone in misery!
That's about all this sick, hormone crazy, pregnant woman can write right now. I am now going to slink back into my dark, marsh-like bedroom and feel sorry for myself until I wake up to yet another day of swatting mosquitoes and pulling my legs out of the mud. Not without crying out to God for help and deliverance. It's in these times that I rely very heavily on our Lord's strength. I know I am not alone even when the darkness surrounds me.
Hmmmm....maybe pregnancy and hormone swings are part of the reason that many women seem to be more spiritually dependent on God than many men...just a thought.