When I figured out that I was going to have a baby during Lent, I was a little bummed. Does that mean we have to get a special dispensation from the bishop to have a birthday party in the future (hahaha)? Now that my body is at what seems to be it's max potential for expansion, I am in agony. So, even though this baby will most likely always have a birthday during the season of Lent, what is more interesting and carries more symbolic meaning is this physical and spiritual journey I am on at the moment.
Yesterday my tummy hurt all day. There was a constant ache, periodic twinges of pain (probably when my little baby was trying to move), and I felt so tired. Just getting up off a chair or preparing a snack for the girls took more energy than I thought I had. I was at the edge of madness for most of the day and then I bumped my knee on the coffee table. That sent me over the edge. I just cried and cried and felt so weak and wimpy.
Instead of giving up, I took my suffering to prayer. I sent up constant requests for help and pleaded that I could just have this baby and get this part over with. I was able to steal a few moments alone in my bedroom and started to think about Jesus and the way of the cross. With each fall, slap from a whip, and stumble Jesus kept going. His destination was death on the cross, but his vision went beyond the physical suffering of the journey of the cross and even death. In a similar way I am on a journey with this pregnancy. It is disproportionately similar, but I have found solace in the comparison. My "way of the cross" at the moment is to carry this child while my body suffers. Eventually I will have to go through labor, even worse than what I am experiencing right now. In a way, the labor is like the death Jesus had to go through. Then, like Christ, the result will be life. Jesus knew that he had to go through death in order to give life to the world. I too must go through this suffering and the pain of labor in order to bring a life into this world.
With these thoughts, very appropriate for the Lenten season, going through my head I will continue on this journey. However, I am looking forward to the celebration of Easter, that's for sure.