I have been exploring this blog called Conversion Diary. The author, Jennifer Fulwiler, has chronicled her conversion from atheist to Catholic christian. It is the sort of blog I could spend hours and hours reading because Fulwiler: 1. is a great writer 2. has an interesting and well-articulated story 3. is about the same age as I with children close to the same age as mine.
Here is a quote taken from one of her posts explaining how she moved from being an atheist to a believer:
"What I discovered years later was that God is not some Man in the Sky who tells us to be good; he is all that is good. To quote the Cynical Christian, when we say that "God is good" we're not describing what God is, we're describing what good is. The reason we seek that which is good -- the reason we yearn for a world of love, peace and harmony despite never having seen anything of the sort -- is because our souls, which are not of this world, are aware that the closer we get to these things the closer we get to our true home. Some part of us is aware that the world around us, the only world our eyes have ever seen, is not where we belong. What I found is that the line between nonbelief and belief is thinner than it seemed, and that it is crossed when you take those yearnings for peace and harmony and love and all that is good and follow them to their source. It is there that you find God. And to dedicate your life to God is nothing more or less than to dedicate your life to the Source of all that is good."
I also really enjoyed the post titled Finding rest. In it she writes about her insomnia before she became a christian. I could identify with her fears, even with my belief in heaven and having an eternal soul. I still have doubts. Here is one paragraph from that post, but I reccomend reading the entire post:
"The sensory deprivation of lying awake in bed at night let the silence shout at me of my utter insignificance in a vast, lifeless universe. Any worldly trappings that might have given me feelings of worth or importance were stripped away in the stillness of the night, reminding me that all life, including my life and the lives of everyone I loved, would one day flicker out, returning to the dead nothingness from which it came. It was then that I would understand that the only kind of legitimate hope that was available in the human experience was short-term hope; in the end, we would all perish."
It's all pretty good reading when I have the time. I know I'll be checking in. I'll even put a link to her blog on my blog!