5.09.2010

Content to be a Mom

It has taken me some years to finally find contentment in being a mom. When I had my first baby I took on our culure's nagging influence to selfishly seek time for myself. Finding that time was like trying to find an agate during high tide. I would rejoice when I finally found the time I so desperately sought only to have a waves of guilt wash over me while I was supposed to be enjoying myself.

A few years ago I was joining groups, making coffee dates with friends and constantly on the look out for that space where I would find myself again. I was attempting to fit it all into my schedule because I knew if I just could get some "me" time I would be a happy mom and thus a better mom. However, instead of finding the happiness I sought, I found my life to be more complicated and more exhausting. Somehow, I finally realized that I needed to look for my happiness in the life I have at home. I had to embrace being a mom.

Now, in the midst of momminess, that agate I was so desperately seeking is somewhere deep inside of me. That agate is Christ. He is always available to me and always has been. With a deep breath and a prayer, I find "me" time with him no matter what I'm doing. Even if the baby is crying, the rice is burning and my husband hasn't had enough sleep, God is there. While life crashes around me like those waves during high tide, God is still. When the water recedes, the agate remains fixed in its spot and I am more content to be a mom than I have ever been. If I am so lucky to get some time away, I feel blessed to have it rather than entitled.

~Happy Mother's Day~

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