9.19.2010

Deflated

If I'm being completely honest with this blog, I am compelled to reveal that I am miserable.  It is quite likely that, in the end, parenting is going to kill me.  When, may I ask, will my children obey me instead of fighting every little, itty, bitty, teensy, weensy detail of a request?  No matter how nicely I ask or how loudly I yell, I get the same response.  My little darlings' faces get all scrunched up, their shoulders slump, their hands fall practically to the floor and the most terrible, exhausting words come out of their mouths (accompanied with a horrible screeching, wailing kind of sound), "noooooo, I don't want to" or "why do I always have to do everything" or "it's too hard, I need help."

Tonight was a doozer of a night.  I was lamenting, again, that my little darlings' rooms are never clean and that no wonder the House Fairy never comes because you can't even pick up your dirty clothes or even attempt to put one thing away with out complaining and crying about it.  I ranted, raved, whined (that's right whined) and found myself saying, under my breath, "I hate this.  Why do I have to do everything?  This is too hard for me.  I can't do it." 

No wonder my children have such a hard time doing anything.  I am as bad as they are!

The thing I really dislike about realizing these awful things about myself is that I have no idea how to change my own attitude.  I know very well that, just as a principal sets the tone of a school, or a priest his church, or a doctor her office, I set the tone of my home.  It seems the tone I am setting is not a good one and instead of changing that tone, I feel like an untied balloon that's been let loose and is banging against the ceiling about to lose all its air and fall to the floor.  Deflated.

The only thing I can do at the moment is finish this blog and go to bed.  On to tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...until I die.*

*Please don't take me too seriously.  This too shall pass I know that to be true.  Soon, I'll find the air to blow up my balloon again and life will carry on until I'm hitting my head against the ceiling...again.  If you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it.

3 comments:

  1. Holly, I think you are already a step ahead of a lot of struggling parents, in that you know you have some responsibility in shaping the attitudes of your kids. You recognize that you are their model--and even if you don't always feel like you are a good one, at least you're aware of it and that is the best place to starte making it better, I think.
    I will say that all the things you quoted from your kids here are age-appropriate for them and yes, this too shall pass. And for what it's worth, I thought your strategy with the cornbread and the dishes in your last post was a good one.
    My only advice (from someone who admittedly has yet to reach this stage of parenting, mind you): Pray. Hard. A lot. And, "Just keep swimming!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Heather MannSeptember 20, 2010

    You are not alone! My seven year old daughter told my husband to "shut-up" when she did not like being asked to do something. Last night she told me that she is finding a new home - that I am too "mean" and that is why she acts the way she does. In a fit of exhausted rage I told her not to let the door hit her on the way out and to leave everything that I had paid for (which is everything). I realize, like you, that we have to set the tone for the house- I'm just so exhausted with trying to do this and my fuse is very short. why are they testing us and pushing us to such limits?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Holly, I love how "real" you are. Parenting isn't always unicorns and rainbows as my SIL and I say. Parenting is hard! What works for me might not work for you. The stuff on the floors~I give one warning then I get out my trash bag. The stuff might or might not come back. I have a short fuse when it comes to kid crap cluttering my space. It works. Since school has started I've put a lot of their toys away since they are both in school all day (they still have toys to play with!) Early bedtime. Mr. W and I were finding that Vivian needs to be in bed by 7:30pm. I know that seems early but she is fully dressed and ready for school each morning at 6am. Early bed for her has helped a lot with attitude and rudeness in the evening. Yeah, prayer is one thing but I need something tangible to help me navigate the sometimes dark roads of parenthood like parenting books to offer some tools. I really like Rabbi Schmuley's book Parenting with Fire-Lighting Up the Family with Passion and Inspiration. A night out with with fellow mom friends always seems to help too! I hope that "this too shall pass" and you will have some better days ahead. You are a wonderful mother, don't forget that!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it!