11.17.2010

Beyond Deflated

Happy days are hard to write about and I've been experiencing a few of them.  I saw a quote the other day by Winston Churchill that said, "[i]f you're going through Hell, keep going."  A month ago life felt horrible, terrible, and overwhelming.  I thought parenting was going to kill me and I was deflated. It seemed like Hell.  I had to go through it.  I had to get beyond it.  My mind, body and spirit had to adjust to the present state of my life and to the stages that my children were in. 
  • My eight-year-old trying to get away with disrespecting me and being a super grump...
  • My three-year-old regressing and using babble and tantrums to communicate...
  • My eight-month-old beginning to scoot all over the house and discovering every piece of anything little by putting it in his mouth...
I have also been able to do some things other than be mom in the house with three kids. 
  • My husband and I went to the Brandon Flowers' concert (and I didn't feel frumpy or awkward)...
  • I spent time at the hair salon enjoying my hair splurge without worrying about the kids...
  • I met a friend for coffee and discussed things other than parenting...  
My life as a mom at home with small children is temporary.  One day I will have all the time to myself that I could want or need.  I try not to covet time without my children and embrace my life in the home, keeping my little family running.  I have made deliberate choices not to do too much in order to keep peace here, right where I am.  I reject the concept that moms need to do things for themselves every week or every day.  It's silly to me.  I do find my time when I need it and sometimes I don't.  However, I don't want to spend my life wishing away this temporary existence that I have.  In fact, I have found such reward in going through the hard times.  I live them, lament them and trudge through them. 

Life on the other side is brighter.  I'm a little stronger and a little smarter and maybe even a little closer to Heaven.

Here is a prayer I keep over my kitchen sink to help me through each day:

Please dear Lord, increase my faith, hope and love.  Work through me as I mother my family.  Please help me to be confident in my mothering-- offering it all to you so that it will be sanctified.

2 comments:

  1. The best thing you can do is to bring your requests to God. Your prayer above your sink is just what will help you during the tough days and we all have a day when we just don't want to get out of bed. Rejoice that you are blessed with children, that you can hear their grumbling, and see them scramble here and there. Blessings to you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your right about having the time to yourself eventually but that is where the problem starts.
    Having your children out at night on their own is a worry, but has to be endured for their development.
    Whats 'Agate' ?

    ReplyDelete

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