12.09.2010

An Angry Day

As a stay-at-home- mom, there are no deadlines, instead there is no end.  I wake up each day to the same.  Life is too short to be stuck in a rut...I'm stuck in a rut.

It's the battles that are getting to me right now.  The same old battles over food.  It's always over food.  The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.  When it comes to feeding my family, I am insane.  My children hate all that I feed them.  I hate all that I make for them (I also hate the word hate).

...anyway...

The battle over food begins with me.  It always does.  I try to blame my children.  Yes, they are picky, but if I were more concerned with meeting their needs and less concerned about hating the preparation, maybe things would go more smoothly.  Maybe, if I would set my mind and heart to the task, the task of feeding my family, maybe I would not react personally to their complaints.

Today, among other things, my daughter and I were fighting over food again.  I had a sinus headache.  The house was a mess (still is), the baby was fussing to go to bed and I broke down.  I started to cry and to raise my voice, not at my child, but at God.  I locked myself in the bedroom and sobbed.  Why would He give me this job when I am so bad at it?  Why, when I hate to cook and I am not self-motivated unless there is ample appreciation for all I do (I blame feel-good education)?  Why do I still have to do all this when I feel so crappy? 

The sky was dark the rain slammed down and the wind threw the last leaves from the trees at the ground.  It was an angry day.

The only thing that went through my mind while I shook my fist at my miserable existence was, "focus on feeding your family."  Focus on feeding my family.  Just that.  The one thing I hate the most.  I plodded into the kitchen chopped up some fruit and cheese, added toothpicks to make it fun, and slid it in front of Little Bear.  She ate it, and the day marches on.

I'm not sure how to tie this post together.  I can only hold on to hope that I will get out of this rut...someday...

4 comments:

  1. I too am a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Being a SAHM is the hardest, most demanding, least appreciated job. It is a job, it is a 24 hour a day, 365 day a year job. The only breaks are those that we make for ourselves. Hang in there, people tell me it gets easier, I just keep asking when?

    As a fellow Oregonian, yes, today was an angry day.

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  2. You are not the only one who sometimes feels like this. Since recovering from my surgery and Mr. W being sick I am STILL the one who has to worry about what we are eating and DOING all the dishes. Don't get me started about grocery shopping. I swear my sink is always full of dirty dishes waiting to be put into the dishwasher, meanwhile the dishwasher is always full of clean dishes that need to be put away. I am more thrilled with Mr. W stepping up and emptying the dishwasher without being told and taking over cooking a meal than flowers any day.

    The picky eaters...some ideas:

    *Have Grasshopper make you a meal, then complain about every little thing about. Give her your perspective and ask her how she feels.

    *I'd be honest with your family telling them how you feel.

    *Have your husband cook for a week (he's in charge of the crockpot each morning). Maybe he will support you more, plus it will give you time to rest and get better, at least you will enjoy dinner.

    *Go on strike and feed them only white bread and water for a few nights.

    *Take them to volunteer at a soup kitchen and serve those who would give ANYTHING for one of your meals.

    *Read to them Food Rules by Michael Pollen and explain to them the importance of eating healthy.

    Be gentle with yourself you are sick right now. Let them eat the crap for now. You can worry about changing their diet after the holidays. Wishing you a better tomorrow. We have to have the crappy days to enjoy the super fabulous days when the dishwasher AND the sink are empty.

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  3. God puts us through trials in order for us to learn. The scripture isn't coming to me at the moment, but there's one that says He will not test us with anything we can not endure. Because it's what you like least, I honestly believe that is why He is having you struggle so much with it. I mean, having picky eaters. Because when you were in your room and the only thing that went through your mind was "focus on feeding your family", it seems to me that the Holy Spirit is trying to teach you something. I'm sorry if this seems like no-brainer stuff; sometimes it's good to just be reminded. A friend of mine kept praying for patience, and she kept being put through trial after trial and she didn't understand. I believe it's Gods way of teaching us. That is how she learned patience, by enduring all the trials that desperately needed them! I hope this helps, Holly. I know my days are numbered til I face this!

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  4. Found your blog while looking for an Advent picture. How I remember those frustrating days. I often walked in my neighborhood clinging to my rosary beads and crying, wanting to run away, but knowing I wouldn't.

    I'm in my 60s now and my five children have children of their own (19 altogether). Looking back, those days went by all too fast. The frustrations today are different, but I still cling to my rosary beads.

    As for cooking, I used to tell my kids I didn't run a restaurant. They could eat or go hungry. After dinner the kitchen was closed. No snacks. None of them starved to death and they all seem to be well-adjusted adults. And their children, my grandchildren, are, of course, perfect! LOL! Above all, try to keep your sense of humor. I used to imagine myself hanging black crepe for my personal pity party. It helped me not to take myself too seriously.

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Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it!