I've always admired and even longed to be one of those people who seem to have their ducks in row. There are people who are born with a natural tendency toward discipline and order. I am not like that. I get distracted easily and have more of a tendency to sit than to "do." An orderly life takes a whole lot of "doing." Not only do I admire these kinds of driven people, especially moms, but the world does as well. It is a badge of honor in our society when someone can manage a full and balanced life with many accomplishments and things to show for it. We measure success by how put together someone may seem.
Our ways are not God's ways
It has become very clear to me lately that our ways are not God's ways when it comes to success and achievement. As I have been increasing my prayer time and embracing the quiet in my days, my life has taken on a more orderly appearance. Mostly because I do a whole lot less than I used to (including writing on this blog which does make me sad sometimes). My energy and work has been not getting my outside ducks in order, but the ducks inside my soul. The irony is that while I focus more on my relationship with Jesus, He seems to take care of my earthly needs.
For example, last weekend I met up with some of my fashionable in-laws. While I used to fret and worry about what to wear and how I'm so bad at dressing myself, I simply asked them to help me. As we moved from store to store and dressing room to dressing room, I kept a running conversation in my mind with God. I knew that these clothes were just clothes and a necessity, but not necessary for my happiness. All my clothes were bought easily and the shopping experience was the smoothest I've had.
Another worry I've always had was over what to cook my family. That too has become more simplified as I think less about feeding myself and family and more about feeding my soul through prayer and spiritual reading. Meals come much more easily now and sometimes it seems like my guardian angel whispers the ideas in my head and the meals are easily executed. Then, and this is going to sound crazy, I happily clean up because it's mindless work and I can easily talk to God. It's work I do for Him.
Getting my spiritual ducks in a row
So back to those ducks inside me. My spiritual ducks. It seems like they are always a mess. I cannot gather them together well at all. However, in the spiritual world, that's not the point. God does not expect perfection, He just wants me to keep trying. If you could see inside my soul, you'd probably laugh as I chase these ducks around. I'll catch one for an instance, but have to set it down quickly to chase after another one. It is a lot of work and I'm not sure they will ever line up. I do find myself exasperated at times and sit down to cry, but Jesus keeps on urging me to keep trying because that's what matters. I may not ever have success, but it's the trying that counts.
It seems so backwards in our success and outcome based world, but that's just what I do. And while I chase these ducks around, I trust in God's knowledge of the bigger picture because His ducks are in a perfect and infinite row.
Find orginal photo of these ducks here.