3.29.2015

New Terrain


My return to Scattering Agates has been a little difficult because I am not the same person I used to be. My writing in the past was an outlet while I figured out how to stay sane and raise small children. At that time I was in the thick of it.  I was in the middle of the woods, so to speak, and had to feel for branches and stumble over rocks and stumps just to survive.

After over 10 years in that tangled forest of raising babies and toddlers, I have now come to a sort of clearing. I'm in an open meadow where some flowers grow and the sun shines on the golden grass. The flowers and grass are my own children's gifts and accomplishments beginning to bloom and grow and reflect God's light.  They and I have grown beyond the twisted forest of nursing, diaper changes, toddler meltdowns, and potty training.  Grace is now 12, Clare almost 8 and Eli just turned 5 and I, well, I'm pushing 40. It's different here.  Things are more clear and, in a way, I am more at peace.

The problem is, there is no path.  I stand here with the dark forest behind me. Those years were full of chaos, hardships, and sleeplessness. When I look ahead, the light glares, I feel uncomfortable with it, like I need some dark sunglasses.  It's an unsettled feeling mixed with a tinge of fear.  Sometimes I even wish I could turn around and go back because I got comfortable back there where it was dark, unpredictable and raw.  It was stressful and full of snarls and jags, but I got pretty good at meandering around the obstacles.  I got used to a life of survival.

Going back is not an option.  So, right now I stand here, stare, blink and wonder, "What do I do now?" I guess it's just the next part of the journey.  Eventually, I'll get used to this spot on the trail of life. Then, as soon as I get comfortable with the navigation of the meadow, it will be behind me and I'll be staring, blinking and wondering at the next unexplored terrain.


2 comments:

  1. Your bridge building BFFApril 01, 2015

    To everything there is a season........... I'm glad your in the meadow, so I can look ahead to your silhouette in His sonshine and have hope that my forest will some day be behind me. Now I must go wash the paint from today's Triduum craft out of L.C 's hair!!!

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  2. Amazing how those days are now a blur to me as I enter another new terrain of aging husband and the uncertain of his well being and focus on his remaining years. I too am stumbling hoping to find the right path as one day leads to another. Wondering if I left chaos in the wake or peace of mind in those my life has touched. Striding forward and not returning to once was, but abiding in His direction is the only way I now function. Reaching for peaceful days and joy in my daily walk knowing it will be a great journey whatever happens. Peace be with you and yours.

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