Flickering Dreams

I just peeked at that last post and, well, I'm proud to say I followed that Mother's Rule tacked up on my fridge for a good two weeks -- at most. Then, the pain, agony and the shear horror of that schedule and list of chores weighed down so heavily upon me that I gave up. I threw in the towel. I surrendered.

For a couple weeks I lamented and bemoaned my utter failure, but began to realize that the house did not fall apart. I do have standards of cleanliness and order, they just cannot be neatly outlined and posted on my fridge. I get to things when the mood hits. Thankfully, I do have some strong habits established such as cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, starting laundry in the morning and folding before bed. My kids also have a few chores they do every day and are used to me demanding things be done when I demand it. To top this all off, I have a hardworking husband who, when he has a few days off, basically does a house cleaning reset. He says it relaxes him and I refuse to feel guilty about that any longer.

Although the idea of order and perfection constantly flicker at my dreams like the candles in our Advent wreath, slowly, slowly, I'm learning to ignore those nagging impulses to be someone I am not. I'm learning, slowly, slowly, to be who I am. To accept that I'm not perfect, nor am I a failure.

Don't misunderstand me, I do think that keeping a house clean and comfortable is important. I want my family to feel at peace in their environment. And I believe keeping a house in tip top shape around the clock and on a schedule is possible, but not for me.

So cheers to all you moms like me who struggle with schedules. High five to you who can better manage house cleaning, and life in general, by being spontaneous and going with the flow. Even if that means a couple down days when clutter and crumbs creep in. We know that we need not fear these manageable messes. Eventually, and soon, we will get to it. In fact, we've discovered that we can accomplish a whole lot in a short amount of time, when motivated. These quick bursts of chaos fighting energy come in cycles; but we know they always come.

Onward I will trudge through this life of drudgery and house chores. Soon I'll clean the fridge, soon I'll wash the windows, and soon I'll dust under the furniture. Until then, I'll live life moment by moment and try to remember to look at my calendar once in a while so I don't miss an appointment.

Happy Gaudete Sunday!  Soon and very soon we are going to see the King!

1 comment:

  1. i'm definitely an organized chaos home maker. not so much on the lists here. if i write it down, it's a grocery list, a blog post idea, or a reminder about some obligation we need to remember like an appointment. i have gotten better about things over time, doing the dishes a little more as they are dirty instead of letting them pile up, that kind of thing. but what i really want to say to you is Write More! keep writing more.... love you. when we do have a get together let's chat about writing ideas. i just signed up for a writing/yoga workshop on january 9th that i am excited about, maybe it will spark some ideas. i seem to have plenty of ideas lately, but i know there are times when i don't, so i want to keep feeding that creativity... love you and happy to read your post today!


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