1.27.2016

From 5 to 6

Some of you may know the latest news in our family. We are growing from 5 to 6 come September. I'm really newly pregnant and have no self-discipline when it comes to spreading the news. My intention was to wait until I was into the second trimester, but, alas, I'm barely into the first and putting it on my blog! If you're wondering, yes, this was planned.

This pregnancy is not as ignorantly blissful as in my past. It's been five years since I've been pregnant and I feel old. I look in the mirror and wonder what in the world I've gotten myself into and now that I'm nauseous and exhausted I'm really beginning to question my motives.

You too may wonder why I, a mother of mature maternal age, who has three beautiful (challenging, strong willed) children would decide to have a fourth. Here are some my reasons:

1. There is a lack of goodness in the world that creates a vacuum. It's a safe, dark, cozy place for people who make evil choices to flourish. Having another child is one way to bring light into that darkness. Children are good and often, when raised in loving families, albeit flawed, grow up to be bigger hunks of goodness to fill the vacuum.

2.  I've always wanted four. Three just never seemed like enough. Maybe because my family of origin consists of three and my husband's family has five. With more kids, it's just more exciting and more people to love and be loved. Especially when grandchildren start to arrive. My husband's family is bursting and bubbling with life and love. My family of origin does not lack life and love, it's just more like a simmer than a boil.

3. I've been observing my kids and have reasoned that a baby in the mix may be a good challenge for them. For Grace, the oldest, it may do her some good to have come out of her self-centered teenage ways to care for a little one and babysit too. Her now large and cozy bedroom will once again have to be shared with this little one and maybe she can be a little more patient with a baby/toddler than her kid sister. Clare and Eli will benefit as well. When we got a cat this summer, the two of them took such good care of her and still do. They will be so good with a little one, I just know it.

4. The last reason, well, it's not exactly measurable or reasonable, but I felt that God was asking me to have one more. If thought through in a logical way, having another baby was not exactly "in our best interest." Adam has a definite plan for retirement that just was thrown out the window with a baby on the way. I'm not exactly in my prime while pregnant or as a mother of babies. In fact, I'm a total weakling and not only that, Adam's anxieties amp up to almost intolerable. Our vacation to the Redwoods was almost ruined because Eli (then under two) touched dirt. Then, of course there is the spacing between children: six years. That's six years with one child as a teenager. Not smart. Lastly, and this one bothers my dad quite a bit, I've hemorrhaged after all my pregnancies so there's no reason to think this one will be different.

So, as it is with God, we must not only believe, but trust; trust all the above mentioned logical and reasonable reasons not to have another baby don't matter. That God has a better plan and that's exciting really.

8 comments:

  1. it really is so exciting, congratulations, again! here are the reasons why i'm excited:
    1. i love all your kids, think you're a fabulous mama, and totally support you on your reasoning that this could be a great thing for your family chemistry.
    2. i am excited to have more friend babies to hold! loving my vicarious life over here.
    3. i think you're one of the best-equipped people i know for bringing love and light into the vacuum and brighten up the darkness.
    and
    4. what a great number!
    i hemorrhaged, too... it's scary, but you've lived through it and also, you can't be sure what will happen this time. it might be the smoothest, easiest one. who knows? maybe the 5 years off have allowed your body to heal in ways that will make it super resilient this time. it's obviously going to mean being prepared for that possibility, but i like what you said about trust, because i think that's where it's at with all this baby having stuff. i'm so excited and happy for you!!!

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  2. i am in love with your reasons for having another :) and your right! it will bring more good into the world, and it will be SO good for your kids. that is one thing that would make me want to have another (although we can't) i know it would be really good for my kids! so excited for your new adventure.

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  3. oh hey... here is the link to that bullet journaling site i was telling you about :)
    http://bulletjournal.com/get-started/

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  4. your bridge building bffFebruary 01, 2016

    we are thrilled you are having another baby!!! whatever the reason.

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  5. Holly! Congratulations! I don't often read this site, but was directed here from a reader - what wonderful news to open to!

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    2. Unless you're the JCramer that I actually know, you are the first in a long time to comment on my blog that I don't know in real life. Stars filled my eyes when I read your comment and that you were "directed here from a reader." I love to write and to share some of my agates on this blog, but I have been woefully uninspired for the last few years and so have neglected this little spot in cyberspace. Your nice comment is so refreshing. This is a long way of saying I'm so glad you checked in and I hope you do again. :)

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  6. Congrats Holly!!
    Also, I second the bullet journal idea!

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Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it!